First I would like to say, that I am not sure how to define an experience, and since we are very limitied with time (Much more than I thought) its hard to devote a lot of time to what Im writing. I would also have like to sit down and write reports about my last investigation, but under cirkumstances the team decided we will only start writing the reports from now on.
I should maybe explain where, what and how before we start. I am in Kerala right now, spending the days with the team, having meetings, charing issues, experiences and thought and other things. Tonight or tomorrow I’ll move on with Josue and Ruta, to Investigate the situation of women in Tamil Nadu. But all this I’ll write about later, for now its my experiences from North moving south (Nanitale, Mumbai, Kerala) where I was investigating street children in Mumbai. I want to write a bunch of small and big things, and let it count for two experiences. Just, things I wrote from time to another, maybe even from the time before I started moving south.
Thought about a begger (In Delhi on my way to Mumbai)
I gave a piece of fruit to a begger today. He was sitting on the floor in front of me, in dirty rags, with a leg missing streching out his palm – something in the way he looked at the fruit seemed almost tender, before he started eating it slowly and carefully. Piece by Piece he ate it, not looking away even once. Seemed like anything could have happened around him in this moment, and he wouldn’t have bothered to look. I couldn’t take my eyes of him, and suddenly felt like I would start to cry. This man – that seemed to completly have given up on such things like human dignity, opportunity, safety, comfort, security – happiness, hope and joy? And only had one thing to live for, or look forward to – to get the next bite to eat, and survive. A man that might have hope for all these things, once when he was a boy, but life taught him not to expect anything but problems and misery. And here I was on the floor with money in my pocket, a passport and all the opportunity I can possible get to have a good and fullfilling life - and he was in front of me, eating my orange like it was the most presious thing in his life. I coundn’t decide if I felt ashamed, sad or angry? How can life be so unfair? These people are no different from my self at birth, but get degraded to living like something similar to an animal. While I go on getting educated and living the life I wish? Is it because they are bad people? No. Because I deserve it more? No. its just how circumstances left us. Who is to blame? (Am I wrong?)
I admit it, I went into the train, and when noone was looking, I cried.
About being tired
I felt tired today, while walking in Delhi station. Tired of the heat, dust and dirt mixing with polluted air from endless cars, trucks and richaws. Tired of the sound of horns constantly blowing with or without reason, from people chatting, yelling and shouting things I didnt understand. Tired of people staring and talking about me, like I was something extra ordinary – or trying to get something from me, or cheat me into paying more for a train ticket or a piece of fruit. First I cursed all indians and whole India far away, making moody glances to anyone that looked at me more that 5 seconds – but while sitting on the stone floor, putting music in my ears to drown out the sound of the city, I started thinking - can I really blame India for what it is? Can I blame India and especially the Indians for urbanization, globalisation, industrialisation and all other sations? Or what about poverty, over population or having a culture I dont understand? Can I blame a person for staring at someone, so different from him self and anyone he knows? Or can I blame him for trying to get a bit more, from a woman that seems like she can easily afford it. And there on the floor it seemed like people stopped staring and I became the one to stare - I looked at a woman singing to her newborn child, a father buying chai for his two sons and small group of friends chatting and laughing - and I realized, I can not blame these people anything. All I can do is try to understand. And from this thought everything became my dirty, beautiful india again. Long after someone said to me - you can not change the situation, you can only change yourself - this is so so true.
Slum poetry (from Haldwani)
(In the honnor of Christian 2008, that gave me the Idea to teach slum children the importance of being clean)
… Mayday, mayday..
Team sunshine to headquater, you copy?
Mission banana under pressure.
Slum kinds, no want to learn how to wash.
Lightning from clear sky.
Surrounded by crowd. Angela nearly lost pants.
Manged to distract by throwing bucket. Buckets lost.
Calou and Ruta fought brave for towel. Towel intact.
Agi went down trying to save child from crowd.
Pjort no help, but filmed all.
Team in good spirit, but stuck with 120 bananas.
Will have feast. Tonight.
Over and out.
Bizarre situation sometime needs bizarre explanations.
… I will not go into details about what happened. Believe it or not, everthing in poem is true – but this experience makes me wonder about two things – the nature of a crowd and the nature of a slum. Days before many had been in the slum, and we had no problems at all. Sure people gathered around us, but in a friendly, interested way.. What makes the same people act like crazy? In psycology I read about the nature of a crowd – how it can make people do or react in ways they would never do normally. Or is it just poverty? Desperation? Boredom? Anger? Lack of social skills? What effect does life in the slum have on people? Does it make them rude, stupid, angry, sad or do things they would never do under other cirkumstances. Would I act the same in their situation?
Days after I was still wondering - who are these people? Not when I look at them, not in the crowd, but them truely. And who where they before they ended up in these conditions. Are they happy where they are? Some people told me that many children often run away when they are placed in homes, or at NGOs because they dont want to deciplined. Does it mean they are satisfied with their life? Or just can cope with another life?
I have no answers and no time. (to be continued)
Louise.
Some experiences from Louises journey going south.
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